Recently things are not going the right way… not in the way that they used to be. Things have changed and I know I am not taking it too well, how should I move on from here.

During the past 2 weeks, a major crisis has hit my relationship with Branden. Not that he has changed back to his old self, but instead he seems to lose interest in me - everything about me. He still treats me nice but some how I can feel a sense of ‘coldness’ in him. This ‘coldness’ has made me feel so lousy about myself and also made me lose confidence about myself. Has things come to a point when we are taking each other for granted cos’ we met up too often? I’m not sure…

Right now I am so lost. I know truthfully deep down in my heart, I am emotionally withdrawn from him due to his ‘coldness’. I don’t know what I should do to go about this relationship… No doubt I love him a lot, in fact he’s the man I love most but certain things can’t be forced to work out if they are not meant to be.

I have been thinking very deeply nowadays… how to move on with this relationship. God give me some guidance here.

17 Nov 2008 is one of the most significant days in my life… the first time when I got retrenched by DBS Bank due to their recent restructuring excercise. I received a phone call from the HR at about 3pm and was being told to meet them at 4.40pm at DBS Tower 1.

At 4.40pm, I got there with my boss. True enough, the HR gave me a letter that states the cessation of my sevice with the bank… Sad of course. Only second year into my career and I got retrenched! WTF!

 I called my darling and told him that I got retrenched. Branden was shocked at first, but subsequently he accepted the news. The next thing I knew is that Branden comforted me and he said he’ll take care of me and support me until I can find a job.

True enough, my darling is working very hard now to take care of me and I really appreciate his effort. Darling thank you for standing by me during this difficult times of my life… luckily I still have you with me, if not I guess my life will be more chaotic and lost. I appreciate that you are so supportive of me and I know this will only make our relationship grow stronger than ever.

13 Nov 2008 marks the 24th birthday of my darling - Branden. This year is different for us cos it’s the first time that we celebrated his birthday as a couple! In the end, we decided to go for a short trip to Genting Malaysia for his birthday.

12 Nov 2008 at 6.15am, we took the coach outside Gain City CCK. Wow! It was a long bus journey to Genting Highland… almost 6 hours! But luckily we’ve got each other throughout and time seems to fly faster. At about 12 noon, we got to our destination and there’re already many people waiting for the check-in. However our official time to check-in was at 3pm, so Branden and I decided to have our lunch first. The waiting is so frustrating… imagine carrying your luggage everywhere you go, and it’s damn crowded wherever you go. When we finally got our room keys - 7657 (our room number), we put down our stuff and took a short nap. Both of us were too tired from the waiting. At night, we got up to have dinner at Kenny Rogers and after that we went to casino. (What else can u do at Genting?) We stayed till about 1 plus in the morning before we head back to our room.

13 Nov 2008, we got up at 8.30am to have the complimentary breakfast buffet at the First World Restaurant. As usual, crowds are everywhere and the food sucks. In my opinion, only the eggs are tasty. After our breakfast, we went to catch a movie - Madagascar 3. It’s so cheap there… we got 2 premium seats and 2 sets of popcorn combo for only RM32! After movie we went to casino again until evening, we decided to have dinner at Pizza Hut. After dinner… go back to casino again… LOL. This time round, we only went back to the hotel at 3 plus in the morning.

14 Nov 2008, the last day of our trip. We got to check our from our room at 12 noon and we had to carry our stuff wherever we go again. Everything was in a rush, time is too short for too many things. At 1.45pm, we boarded the bus that is going back to Singapore. Again it’s another 6 hours ride back. We got back to home at about 8.10pm.

Darling, I really enjoy this trip because of you being with me. I wish that we can go for more trips on your 25th, 26th, 27th….. infinite birthday together. I love you baby…

Our 1st trip together

09 Nov 2007, the first day when Branden and I got back together after being separated for almost 5 years.

09 Nov 2008, our very 1st Anniversary together…

On our anniversary eve, both of us went drinking at Cyclone (Boat Quey) with 3 of my friends. Branden and I counted down together and I’m so happy that he’s there with me at the very moment. At about 1am, Branden and I left and headed towards The Cathay to catch the movie “Quantum of Solace”. A boring show and I admitted that I were asleep half the time. 

On the actual day of our anniversary, we went to the Singapore Zoo (again since we went there on 21 Mar 2008) in the late morning. There were so many people at the zoo and there were so many cars that we were forced to park our car by the road side. There was a family carnival organised by PUB and Branden’s mum got the tickets, that’s the main reason why we were there.

We headed home at 3pm. And we took a nap cos both of us were so tired from last night’s drinking and also the walking in the zoo… on during the evening, we accompanied his mum to Lot 1 to buy some stuff.

We spent a simple day together… yet happy. I believed there’s more anniversaries to come along for us.

Branden darling, on this special day I want to take this opportunity and let you know that you are the most important person in my life now. No matter what happens, I’ll stand by you and share with you all the happiness and sorrows.

“I Love You Baby…”

I remembered a few weeks ago, Branden and I had such a major arguement over whether can he commit to this relationship and make our relationship official. This ’fight’ made me returned the couple ring to him. I told him to keep it until he thinks it is the appropriate time then shall he return it to me…

4 Nov 2008, Branden came to my place to pick me up to go Lot 1 for dinner and a movie  - “The Coffin”. While waiting for the lift at the basement carpark, Branden hold on to my left hand. Suddenly he wore the ring that I once returned to him onto my ring finger (4th finger on your left hand for those who are not sure). I was very surprised and the first thing I did is to kiss him… Never have I expect that my darling will remember about the ring and return it to me.

To me, this ring is one of the most important item that symbolizes our love for each other and it also helps me stay connected to Branden when he’s not around. When I gave him my ring the other time, I cried for many days trying to get over it. Now that my darling has given it back to me, I’m so touched and happy. I treasure it even more than anything else… …

I will love my darling even more and I know he’s one man I will never forget.

Another boring day for me to idle in my room, doing nothing except to blog blog blog. Usually I spend my weekends with my darling but he is on duty back in Sembawang camp, so I stayed at home.

This morning at 8.30am, Branden and I had our “Big Breakfast” together (finally after me nagging at him for a couple of days) at Limbang McDonalds. After our breakfast, we went back to his pplace for a short nap but who knows half way through our sleep, his colleague called him to go back to the camp for standby duties. No choice, he got to go back to work and I got to get back home.

During the past 2 weeks, we’ve spent so much time together that we can’t sleep without having each other by our side. I’m so used to having Branden with me and suddenly I find myself so lost without him… don’t know what activities to do so to keep myself occupied while he’s away.

Just 2 nights ago on 31 Oct 2008, Branden and I went clubbing together at Dragonfly for the first time! I never expect that he’s willing to go there with me cos’ he doesn’t like me to go to such places with him… usually he will go with his friends without me. But that night was an exception! He even told me that the reason he did that is to tell people whom he knows there (he’s a regular over there by the way) that I’m his girlfriend. I wonder how true is that, but of course I hope that’s really the case though.

Looking back, both of us were separated for almost 5 years before we got back together again. During the last 5 years, both of us go our separate ways and try to get into  new relationship(s) but things don’t seem to work out. All I can say is that throughout this period, I still miss my darling a lot and the feelings I have for him is so strong. I know if I don’t do anything about my feelings, I’m gonna regret for the rest of my life and I don’t want this to repeat just like back in 2006. I’m glad I made the choice to be with him again… though the path is difficult but it’s worth all the hard work.

Life is too short for regrets, I’ll cherish my darling more than anything else…. Branden means the whole world to me…

28 Oct 2008, after our drinking session at Boat Quey (separately with our own friends), Branden and I met up with each other at the “bah cho mee” coffeeshop for supper. As usual, Branden requested to add more fish balls and mushrooms to his “bah cho mee” without chilli.

After the supper, we decided to take a cab back home as neither of us is driving that night. This time round we decided that Branden is coming over to my place to stay overnight! Initially I was quite scared cos’ I don’t know what will be my parent’s reaction. Then when we got to my place, my parents were asleep and I just led Branden into my room. From there, he just slept on my bed so comfortably like a little piggy… …

This is the first time that I brought my boyfriend home to stay overnight at my place. This is the first night that Branden sleeps by my side in my room… I hope that there’re more nights to come and I will always remember this very night we share.

23 Oct 2008 at 5.15pm, my phone vibrated… “1 new message”.

I opened it and saw that it was a sms from Branden, “Darlin u wana pick me up at changi?” So I thought that he’s asking me to pick him up on 25 Oct Saturday, and I told him I’ll definitely fetch him on that day. But who knows the next sms that my darling tells me was that he’s reaching Singapore soon! I was surprised! I never expect him to be back by 2 days earlier.

As it was too last minute, I can’t go to Changi Naval Base to pick him up… so we agreed to that he’ll take a cab to Woodlands and I’ll pick him up from there. At about 9pm, I got to Woodlands MRT station and the first thing I did when I saw Branden was to hug him and kiss him! It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last saw him… that feeling is really unbearable.

I drove him back to his place to get his luggage back first. After that, we went to have dinner at Yew Tee Coffee shop with his mum… then we went home to rest again.

It’s so nice to have my darling back home…. to have him by my side again. For the past few days, I have been accompanying my darling everday. But every time when it comes to night time, he’ll go pubbing with his friends and leave me to have my own programmes. Although now that we’re officially together, he still doesn’t bring me along for his ’socialization activities’. To be frank, I’m very upset with this issue and I don’t know how to deal with it. He said he needed his own space but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to do this all the time. Once in a while I’m still fine with it, but if it’s every time… I just feel that he’s still ‘hiding’ our relationship from his friends for whatever reasons it maybe. I am really upset with this… can someone tell me what to do?

3 more days… … that’s all I need to wait. Wait for? Of course to wait for my darling to come back to Singapore from his Tio Man trip. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last saw Branden, really wonder how is he doing over there.

Just 2 days ago-20 Oct 2008, Branden sms me that he got a few cuts while swimming in the coral reefs in Tio Man. OMG! My heart ache when I heard that he got injured… wish I could be there to look after him. This is not the first time he got injured while on a overseas trip. Previously when Branden went to Surubaya for 2 weeks, he fell from the top of a mini waterfall and got a real bad cut on his leg… God, please help me to look over my darling can?

Soon I will get to see my darling. And to welcome him back, I learn to cook his favourite dish-mushroom today. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I’ve never cook before in my life. I totally have no idea on cooking at all.

So what I did was trial and error. I bought some Portabello mushrooms, then cut away the stems and wash them clean. After that I put a little bit of oil and salt into the frying pan. Once it’s hot, I add one mushroom at a time into the pan and started pressing the mushroom flat. Once it’s flat, I add a small piece of cheese on top. When the cheese melted, it’s done.

I tried the mushroom and hey! Not bad! My mum also say not bad… though it’s simple, but I really use my heart and sincerity in learning to cook Branden’s favourite. I will cook for him once he’s back!

Darling, 3 more days and we’ll get to see each other again. So happy!!!!

After worrying for so many days about my darling, finally I got a call from him on 18 Oct 2008 at 12.39am.

When I saw an unfamiliar Singapore number reflecting on my caller ID, I was wondering who will call at such late hours. I started thinking if I should answer the call and in the end I did cos I was afraid that it could be one of my customers.

As I picked up the call, I prompted the caller to tell me who is he. The caller say “I’m your darling lah…” I listen again but to me the voice don’t sound like Branden at all, so I said “Huh?” He replied, “I’m Branden…”

I was so surprised to hear his voice again. It’s been so many days since I last heard from him… and he called me! He mentioned that his mobile does not have any network coverage in the middle of the sea, so he’s using the satelite phone to call me once he got access to it immediately. We talked for quite a few minutes, and I told him I miss him a lot and that I have sending him sms everyday. I told him I will make him his favourite dish - mushrooms, when he gets back to Singapore. We didn’t talk for too long as he needs to get to sleep and I also believed that you’re not supposed to use the satelite phone for too long since it’s for work.

I am so happy that my darling calls me the moment he got access to the satelite phone. At least I know he cares about me and that he doesn’t want me to get too worried about him. I can’t wait for him to come back to Singapore… just wanna hold him tightly in my arms and never to let go again.

Darling darling… I miss you a lot. Wish time can pass quickly so that I can see you again.